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Monday, 14 July 2014

Gigging With Parents

There comes a time in every young person's life - usually coinciding with living independently for the first time - that you begin to appreciate your parents. Hell, you might even want to start spending more time with them. Unfortunately, not everything is designed to be shared with Generation X and the baby boomers. Afternoon tea, yes. Awkward anecdotes about their courtship, just about. How those anecdotes concluded, definitely not.

One of the things that you might consider sharing is gigging. After all, there's a good chance you might have inherited some of your parents' taste in music - assuming they didn't subject you to Cliff Richard or Mud during your formative years. But, next time your shared love for a band that dates back to their record-spinning days manifests itself in a farewell tour, remember these reasons to let your parents head out for over-priced beer and memorabilia t-shirts.


Gigs/Theatre = Not The Same
A gig is one of the last places you'd expect to be eyeballed for making noise. If you're going to a gig with Gen X, be on your best behaviour. Loud and crass conversation is deemed an evening-spoiler and is likely to be scoffed at. Unfortunately, your friend won't be able to tell you about their latest Tinder car crash because middle-aged couples have exhausted all conversation over the past 30 years and are compelled to sit in silence pre-show.

Make A Stand
 I'm putting the blame on the organisers here for necessitating that the 'experienced' demographic all sit down whilst listening to music. Rock music makes you want to move - why strap everyone to their chairs so fearful of blocking the view of those behind? Everyone ends up standing for the final numbers anyway. Why not let those who want to cram their way to the front?

Hot, Hot, Heat
Most memorable gigs usually end up with a sweat-drenched t-shirt clung to your chest, having been squeezed up against another equally smelly fan who's decided bruising, mild claustrophobic anxiety and showers of urine are worth getting close to the band for. Sit everyone down and the stage lighting is barely enough to keep you from wearing a jacket and scarf.

Bye, Bye Bar
All-seater gigs mean that getting up for a much-desired pint/pint-induced toilet break requires disturbing the peace of everyone on your row. Heaven forbid there's a spillage after stumbling on a handbag on the way back as well.

Dad Dancing
If you're lucky enough that you are allowed to display some form of motion, you'll mostly likely see some very awkward designated driver, dressed in his best check shirt, formally swaying side to side with a slight twisting motion. He'll be getting a bi-annual treat later though, so he's happy.

Technophobes
Like their children, Gen X all own smartphones. Unfortunately, not all are quite as adept as their offspring with a touchscreen. Videos and Instagramming are part and parcel of gigs these days, but when the guy in front of you can't work out how to switch off his phone's torch, you're in for a long night.

Panto Clapping
We've already mentioned that there'll be little to no dancing, so why not clap along to each and every tune? It's what the sexagenarians on stage would have envisaged during their drug-fueled heyday. Aladdin was on in the same venue last night, and the audience never left.

Dodgy Plumbing
Ok, so the toilets of a gig aren't the nicest place to spend a penny but at least you don't have to wait for the privilege to do so. Urinary retention is a terrible thing and will get us all one day, but it's hard to find the patience when you're four pints in and have broken the seal.

Ever one for a balanced argument (damn you government curriculum) there are some upshots to gigging with your parents and their friends. There's no 16-year-old girl throwing up in her shoes. No one thinks it acceptable to take their top off and, if you're there, there's a good chance everyone around you has a great taste in music. So, remember your jacket, keep it down, sit back and try to enjoy yourself!

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